I think I'm going to take packed lunches to work in future, going out in Devizes for a sandwich is becoming too hazardous.
Last week I was confronted by a bolshie charity collector and today I was almost set upon by a gang of feral teenagers.
I was just wandering into the Brittox to get a sandwich(tuna again) and struggled to get past a group of about seven teens blocking the narrow walkway.
I brushed against one of them as I eased through the gap, only to be met with stream of abuse from the reedy looking individual who boasted pinched features and a spotty complexion that made him look look a ferret that has had a pizza thrown at it.
"Watch where you're going, you four-eyed ****-******, or I'll ******* deck you, you ******* *****," he merrily quipped.
I was so taken aback I apologised. "I'm sorry did I hurt you?" I asked.
"**** ***, show me some respect you ****," he gaily rejoined.
One of his weasely friends scraped his knuckles along the ground towards me and joined in with this merry banter. "Oi, ****, say that to my face, jus get out of my face or I'll ******* headbutt you, I'll ******* deck you. Your ******* lucky I'm busy or I'll ******* do you, you ******* ******. Get in my face and see what happens you ****," he intoned, bringing to mind a young Oscar Wilde.
He spat all this out in the manner of a south side LA gang member, an act slightly ruined by the fact he was riding a pushbike and had a Wiltshire accent.
I decided debate wasn't the way to resolve this situation and wandered off, with the torrent of abuse following me along the Brittox as I went.
"That's right you ******* ****, walk away, you'd better ******* stay out of my ******* face, you ****," called my new friend.
What shocked me was the vitriol, as well as the variety of swearword from my neanderthal foreheaded opponent.
I can remember the odd bit of cheek to my elders and betters when I was 14 or 15 but nothing so hate-filled as that
I've always been of the slightly liberal opinion that there is good in everyone and that unsocial behaviour is often rooted in background.
But a few moments in the company of such naked aggression soon shifted all that lily-livered nonsense and I was all for court orders to remove young offenders' dangly parts.
I was a bit bemused why a) these children were not at school and b) why no truancy officer was out looking for them.
I came to the conclusion that the fact they hadn't turned up for school was probably reason for celebration rather than concern. I seriously doubt their absence would bring down the grade average.
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